I was raised a Roman Catholic and that really has influenced much of my life. Thoughts of right and wrong don’t just appear in a humanistic form in my head. I think the good nuns and priests that have taught me over the years are still there whispering in my ears. I do have my own doubts about the Church and right now I am probably still a cafeteria Catholic in that I can take most of their teachings, but let some of the others go.
I think I am writing this because of some thoughts about our new pastor. He is somewhat more conservative and formal than the previous pastor. He reminds me of some negative contacts with religious that I have had over the years. Due to this I am thinking of joining a new parish. He probably is a very good man, but my own stuff is getting in the way.
To understand this you really would have had to grow up in the 1940s and 1950s. My wife doesn’t understand some of this. I remember being taught by nuns all thru grade school and priests all thru high school. We looked down on the kids that went to public schools. We used to classify kids as Catholic or Public. I remember the “Marian Year” in Chicago and tens of thousands of people marching to Soldiers Field. I remember in grade school how the statue of Mary would be passed from house to house so families of the school children could say the rosary. I remember how priests were treated as royalty and their words as almost commands. Divorce was unheard of and birth control was never talked about. My mother was once criticized for only having three children when families with ten or more were praised.
This whole thing begins to make me think about the nature of power. In my childhood and adolescence the clergy and religious were the ultimate rulers of right and wrong. There was even a Legion of Decency that listed what movies a good Catholic could watch. The Church infiltrated every area of life.
Things are obviously somewhat different now. Divorce is part of the norm in the 21st century and families are more complex than ever. Birth control is never talked about because it is assumed that every couple practices it. I am writing this about two weeks after Ireland passed a law making same sex marriage legal. This was totally against what the Church wanted. People who were interviewed about this basically said that the Irish had grown disillusioned with the Church and were not listening to them as they had in the past. The scandal of clergy abuse has turned many away.
Pedestals are difficult to stand on. It’s very easy to fall off and very difficult to get back on. Right now there is also an ongoing scandal with a former Speaker of the House of Representatives. I think it was Warren Buffet who said, “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it”. The Church has lost much of it’s splendor because of the scandals and also because the world has changed. The clergy used to be the most highly educated members of the community. This is no certainly no longer true. It was easy to do what “Father, Sister says” because of what they represented, but now that has been tainted. Perhaps that is not all bad.
As a therapist I often had to deal with the tendency of my patients to put me on a pedestal. I would continually try and climb down because I really didn’t want to be put in that position. I never wanted to make decisions about other people’s lives. That is up to them. I think that one of the goals of all therapy is to help people take responsibility for their own lives. It may seem easier to have someone else take over, but that is usually the way to disaster.
One therapist used to tell a story that he felt like someone on a hill watching two trains rushing toward each other. He would jump and shout and wave his arms, but it was up to the trains to stop. He couldn’t make them. This again brings up the difficulty in letting go and trusting people to make their own choices. Sometime this is easier said than done. I am still struggling with this and when I have someone telling me what to do, I have a very difficult time. I can respect what the Church is saying, but I still have to make up my own mind. I have to work on doing this without being a rebellious teenager or a stubborn child. I still feel the need for what the Church offers. I am still working on how to accept it.