The funny thing about aging is you often don’t feel old. Senior citizens are those other guys. Then there will be days when you realize there are now things you can no longer do. Reality is a bitch sometimes. As a professional therapist a large part of my job was to take care of people and be there for the crises of their lives. Now I am having difficulty accepting that those crises can happen to me.
My sons are worried about their mother and me. My wife now does have serious health concerns that need to be monitored. Both of our sons accompanied us to a tour of a senior living facility this past week. The facility was probably the top one in the area. It was absolutely spotless and was newer construction. The facility offered three levels of care: 1) Independent Living, 2) Assisted Living, 3) Memory Care. Our tour included all three levels.
They have both one and two bedroom apartments. The one bedroom is very small. The two-bedroom apartment is much larger, but it is still an apartment. Walking thru them was difficult. We have been in our own homes for over 50 years. During that time we have accumulated memories along with the many possessions we have. The thought of giving up those things and the independence of our lifestyle is difficult to accept. As I write this California is going thru their terrible wildfires. There are people being interviewed who have lost everything. Moving into a senior center doesn’t compare to that, but it still involves major life changes. The last time we lived in an apartment we were just married. You forget how small an apartment is and the lack of personal space available.
The other levels of care (Assisted Living, Memory Care) also have apartments but with much more structure and monitoring by facility staff. It appeared very professional with both caretakers and nursing staff. I was impressed with the facility but still depressed with the concept of having to make a decision about living there.
I asked our guide about activities and she told us there was a lot available. They have a mini gym, Movie Theater, various rooms for many other activities. She continued tell us how pleased the residents were there. We ate lunch there in their dining room and saw some of the other residents. I went up to a family member who was eating with her mother and asked how she liked the facility. She said that she was quite pleased with it and her mother, who I also met, was happy there. The daughter said she had visited many facilities and this was by far the best.
I think our sons would really like us to consider selling our home and moving into a place like that. They have realistic concerns that if either one of us has a catastrophic health crisis, they would be left to resolve decisions about our home, possessions and lifestyle. I think that is part of the aging dilemma that is not talked about much. This not only affects us, but also our family members who have their own lives and responsibilities.
When I was growing up my grandmother lived with us until she had a stroke and died in a nursing home hospital. It was common back then in the 1950s-1960s to take in older relatives. My grandmother cooked , cleaned , and took care of us and that made it possible for both of my parents to work. Today that doesn’t happen very often. The demands of the 21st century make that type of arrangement very difficult if not impossible.
I don’t think there were many, if any, senior living facilities back then. There were nursing homes where families would place relatives who could no longer take care of themselves. They would live there until they died.
Now facilities like the one we visited exist. They offer more options for healthy seniors who still want some independence. However it still seems very lonely. We visited on a Sunday. We saw many residents, but very few family members. I wonder if families begin to think that senior living is the answer. It’s almost like parking your car in a covered garage and that solves a difficult problem. I know our sons are worried about us isolating ourselves since we moved here. However we still have each other and maintain contact with a few friends. We moved from our home of over 37 years to be closer to our sons and their families. We go to family activities with our grandchildren but come back to our own home. We could still visit our family and grandchildren, but would then come back to a place that is not a home. It is still possible, but we still have some time before we are parked.