Sometimes I think I have lost the ability to be surprised by people and their motivations. This probably comes from the many years I spent listening to people and every sort of problem imaginable. From incest, to murder, to stealing candy bars, my patients would come in with all of their unresolved issues and try to work them out.
I think by the time I retired I was just tired of listening, but then something will happen that challenges this. In mid August we went on a Viking River Cruise thru Prague and southern Germany. A friend of mine had done it last year and recommended the trip. The cruise was beautiful and well worth it. We liked the whole experience. We met lots of new people and they were almost all in our age group. The typical age for this according to the cruise director is 60-75. There was one very independent 91 year old who had more energy than almost anyone on the ship. She does a cruise at least yearly. Every night we would have dinner with at least one new couple at our table of eight.
Besides the usual questions about occupation, location, and grandchildren, people became comfortable enough to really open up. I think the atmosphere and environment of the ship encouraged people to talk and share about their lives. I am still trying to understand this whole experience.
One couple in particular has really made me think. He and his girl friend sat at our table and we began to talk. Between the two of them they have 10 grandchildren, but the families really don’t mix. We asked how they met and he said that they met dancing the Tango. He is 68 and works in heating and air conditioning. He is thinking of retiring by the end of the year. She is 62 and has been a hospice nurse for over 25 years. He told us that he was a competitive roller skater for many years, but then hurt his knee. As he recovered he began looking for some other form of exercise. Just by chance he saw an ad about a class for learning the Tango. He took the class and it overwhelmed him. He became so involved with it that he would use his vacation time to go to Argentina to learn more. As he talked it was evident that this was one of the grand passions of his life. He met his girl friend at one of the classes and she liked the way he danced and talked. She told us she had been a widow for many years. She had dated occasionally, but nothing really serious until now.
The Tango apparently is culture unto itself. There is a specific way of moving and communicating. He said that he learned in Argentina that when you first met someone you wanted to dance with you didn’t speak. You stared intently at someone and if they stared back and nodded you would walk in a very specific way until the two could begin dancing. He told up that at this one class there were hundreds of couples and people began dancing without really being able to move very much because of lack of space. The Tango doesn’t require a lot of movement as much as it does the ability to communicate to your partner what you want to have them do. He told us that they had stepped back a little from the culture because they both loved to travel and this may become his new passion.
I think the reason I keep thinking about this is the realization that new passions and fascinations can enter your life at any time and at any age. I had been thinking that retirement meant a time of slowing down and contemplating the past and trying to reach that stage of “Ego Integrity vs. Despair”. Sometimes I thought this was really within my grasp, but now I do need to rethink.
When we decided to go on this trip we also planned on spending an extra week by ourselves in Paris. We had been there before and wanted go back and see more. One of the places we went to is the Pere LaChaise Cemetery. This is somewhat like Forest Lawn in Hollywood in that many famous people are buried there. The difference is that the French cemetery is almost 400 years old. I wanted to see Jim Morrison’s grave. His grave is one of the more visited along with Oscar Wilde’s. What struck me was that no matter how important or famous, all lives have a beginning and an end. I suppose you can sit and contemplate your life and what you have accomplished. One friend of mine had an image he shared of an old man sitting on his porch and cutting cheese. This sounds very peaceful, but it also sounds very limiting. Even in this last quarter of life new passions are still possible. I need to continue to be reminded of the importance of continuing to grow until the end. I might never learn the Tango, but maybe I can still learn to waltz.