A beautiful new soul entered our life two weeks ago. Six pounds and eight ounces of absolute wonder. A new grandchild is always special but now we have a granddaughter. I don’t know how we’ll manage this new creature. We have two sons and one grandson but now there is a new arrival. My wife has always wanted a granddaughter. She loves the clothes available for granddaughters as opposed to grandsons. She has always believed that there are more clothes and toys for girls than for boys.
I am just prepared to be always confused and amazed. Some members of my family might say that is my normal state, but this will be a very special time. I remember one of my friends saying many years ago that one of the last roles a man plays in life is that of a grandfather. I don’t think my wife and I were even married at the time. He was married and had at least one child. I kind of blew it off then but I am thinking more about it now. There are so many family roles in life- child, son, brother, husband, father. As soon as you begin thinking about it, life expands to your extended family and to your work and social life. I have always tried to keep fairly firm boundaries between my professional life and my family. Some of the things I heard in my work were so disturbing I just couldn’t bring them home. My sons and wife might not agree with this. During my oldest son’s adolescence I was very strict because of the difficult and problematic adolescents I saw. He once told one of his friends that growing up in our house was like living in a Nazi concentration camp. Hopefully he doesn’t believe that today. My wife said that she thought that work made me very moody and it seemed to get worse as I got older. I just didn’t know how to keep them at a distance from some of the things I heard.
Now this new role of grandfather is upon me. I really enjoy being silly and playful with my grandson. I don’t think I was ever that way with my sons. Maybe it’s because I don’t see him as much as I did them and don’t have the same responsibility. I imagine it will be the same with our grand daughter, but maybe just a little different. I always used to joke that God was good in giving me sons because he knew I couldn’t handle a daughter. I would say that if I had a daughter she would never leave the house until it was time for her to enter the convent. Once we were doing a role-play presentation at a high school about drug use. After the role-play we asked one of the participants what her parents would do if they caught her smoking marijuana. She told us that they would send her to relatives in Italy to enter a convent. I always thought that was a good idea but couldn’t figure out how to do it with sons. If I sent them to Ireland they would probably have ended up as bartenders in a pub somewhere. Teen-agers always test and try to differentiate themselves. This always creates conflict within a family and our family was no exception. It will be interesting to see how my sons handle their own children’s adolescence.
So what does a grandfather do? . What kinds of role models are there for this? There is always Grandpa Walton, but I don’t think I could pull off the overall and suspender look. Grandfathers are supposed to be old and wise. I have got the old part, the wise not so much. I only had a grand father until I was five. My father’s dad died before I was one and my mother’s dad died when I was five. I barely remember him. My sons never really had one either. My dad was dead before they were born. My wife’s dad never really seemed to want that role. He rarely came to any of my sons’ activities and was really not involved in their lives. It may have been different if my wife’s mother had lived, but after her death he was more interested in his new life. I don’t want that. I want to be as much a part of my grandchildren’s life as I can. I can tell stories and play and laugh and go to games and recitals and graduations. I can tear up at special times and tell stories of the past. I want them to be able to remember their grandparents. I want them to have wonderful memories to share with their own children and always be able to say, “My Grandpa loved me very much and always thought I was very special”.