In the late 60s and thru the mid 1970s we were all still in our hippie modes. Long hair, music, parties, long discussions about the state of the world were important. We would bake bread, practice meditation, focus on our mantras, and eat lots of yogurt. I remember long discussions about movies (2001??), music (Sergeant Pepper?), politics (Viet Nam?) What was the meaning of life? Were we willing to settle for the bourgeois values of our parents? What were we to become? This was before the reality of life had struck. Stress was having to wait in a gas line or having to deal with someone in their 30s or 40s who obviously didn’t understand. Now looking back, it seems somewhat ridiculous to consider this real stress. However at the time that was what we thought.
The very word stress is hard to explain. I don’t think we realize how stressful even small events can be. Even joyful occasions can create difficulty. There used to be a written stress test we would give people. It would list many negative things such as job loss, money, and health problems. It would also list positives like holidays, vacations, and job promotions. Each event would have a weighted score next to it. If your total score was above a certain number you were at risk for heart attack, stroke or health problems. The idea was that any real change was a stress.
There has been some interesting recent research on addiction. One of the research articles we used to quote to our patients was about how powerful cocaine was. The cocaine rat experiment involved a rat who, once he was introduced to coke, ignored everything else and did it until he died. A new experiment involved introducing a rat to cocaine and then putting him with a lot of other rats in challenging and interesting environments. The rat stopped using the cocaine and began interacting with the others and stopped the cocaine. This isn’t the total answer, but it does show how changes in environment and relationship can help or hinder.
Maybe all stress is related to relationships. Spouses, significant others, children, parents, employers, employees, customers, friends, pets-almost anyone or anything can become an issue in our lives. I still remember Martin Buber and his schema of relationships that go all the way from I-It, to I-Thou. Since we are all constantly changing, our relationships change too. How often do married couples ignore what their spouses are saying—even when they are talking directly to each other? How often do children become a burden or parents become a burden to their children? Life never stops and always has its challenges.
Once the hospital had a thriving biofeedback business. I still remember the nurse who ran the program hooking up these very harried executives to various machines trying to teach them to relax. As time went on and more research was done we found out people could achieve the same result by engaging in an activity they enjoyed for an hour or more per week. I remember one guy who was very stressed. He had a management position with a company that was going under. I saw him once and he was almost vibrating. I told him about the usual practices at that time of exercise, controlled breathing, meditation, etc. He came in two weeks later and looked like a different man. I assumed he had been practicing the homework I had suggested. He said no he really hadn’t. What he had done was get into his hobby of Taxidermy. He had worked on two fish and a deer for one of his friends. He said “I just lost myself in it and before I knew it two hours was gone”. Another patient would go to an archery range and told me that he always felt better afterwards. The ability to step back from a stressful period and refresh is what is important. So how do you do it? It depends.
Should you take up bow hunting and then stuff what you shoot? Probably not, but it did work for the guys I mentioned. While we all have the ability to relieve stress, it still remains hard to identify what is stressful in our lives and to find the one thing that may help you let it go. Perhaps the most important thing is to accept the need for it.
So how stressful is retirement? It depends. Relationships continue and even small things can become a concern. What does this ache, pain, symptom mean? Why can’t I do this anymore like I used to? Maybe I should go back to baking bread or taking deep breaths—or maybe I just need to focus on how grateful I am for the life I have had ?? Perhaps the real secret is to continue to try.