Lately I have been thinking about mirrors. I do believe my job was to create a mirror for people to see themselves clearly, or at least how they presented to me. The whole mirror thing got me thinking of the sex clinic we had at the hospital. We started because one of the Doctors had an in at Loyola with Dr. Domeena Renshaw. She was one of the leading sex therapists in the world and her sex clinic at Loyola was world famous. Four of us were chosen to go thru the training there. We would each be paired with a physician in training and given a couple to work with under Dr. Renshaw’s supervision. The clinic was mutual education for the couple and for the therapists. There was plenty of didactic material presented along with standard relationship therapy. However one session involved the therapist being present at a complete physical with the couple.
The physician examined each member and the therapist assisted. This was a “Complete” physical. They had to strip down to a hospital gown and the MD would examine them completely. The non MD (me) would assist as much as possible. When the woman was examined. I had a specific role. I had to hold up a full length mirror and the MD would carefully indicate and explain the function of each body part. The first time I had to do this, I began to experience extreme anxiety. My Irish Catholic genes came out full force. The temperature in the exam room must have gone up to at least 120 degrees. I did get thru it .Dr. Renshaw thought it was an important part of the whole process, both to educate the couple and to increase the bond between the therapeutic team and the couple.
After we completed the training, we returned to our hospital and started our own sex clinic. We used the Loyola model and the complete physical as part of the program. I still had to hold the mirror. I was never really comfortable doing it, but I did understand the reason for this. I tried to talk my wife into me holding a mirror for her so I would be more comfortable, but she wanted no part in it She thought I was just trying to use this as another excuse to have sex. She didn’t understand the real clinical reason (right!!)
One time we were working with an elderly couple. The woman, who was probably in her late 70s,was not thrilled with me being in the room. I tried to comfort her and explain the process. I certainly was not excited with an elderly woman stripping down. I held up the mirror for her and I still remember what she said. “Now no peeking !!”. I began to laugh and the mirror started to shake. I was able to complete the exam and I dont remember if we helped the couple , but they did complete the program. Dr Renshaw always said she never thought she had a clinical “failure” if the couple practiced what she said. The sex clinic at the hospital only lasted a few years because the supervising MD left and we became incredibly busy with our addiction program and had to stop participating. Other therapists were trained, but the hospital didn’t have the same level of commitment as when we started.
Thinking back , our clinic was pretty tame. Dr Renshaw wanted us to be very sensitive to the couple’s beliefs and the whole clinic was structured around gradually increasing their ability to communicate. The mirror image transfers pretty well to the therapy experience. The therapist has to be able to hear what the patient is saying. If you don’t understand you have to question and clarify until you do. How you do it is the secret. If you can bond with the patient and establish trust, the therapy can really begin. If you can present the mirror image clearly the patient can decide how and if they want to change.